Grief is the normal
response of sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from losing someone
or something important to you. It is
a typical reaction to death, divorce, job loss or a move away from family
and friends.
After a death
or loss, you may feel empty and numb. You may
notice physical changes such as trembling, nausea, trouble breathing,
sleeping or eating. You may experience symptoms of anxiety
such as irregular heart beat, tingling and dizziness. You may cry easily, or be unable to cry at all.
You may feel angry
- at a situation, a person, or just angry in general. Almost
everyone in grief also experiences guilt, thinking,
"I could have" or "I should have."
People in grief sometimes
have strange dreams or nightmares. You may not want to see friends or go to work. These are normal feelings and behaviors
during grief, but they will pass.
How can I cope with painful feelings?
- Connect with
caring friends and family members. Let them know what you need from
them.
- Take care of
yourself. Eat a healthy diet,
try to get enough sleep and regular exercise.
- Postpone major
life decisions, such as changing jobs or moving until you've had
more time to adjust to your loss.
- Be patient with
yourself. It may take months or longer to feel that your life is
returning to normal.
- Recall happy
memories. Looking at photographs and mementoes may be painful but
ultimately healing.
- Allow yourself
to enjoy good times, without guilt. It's alright to laugh.
- Journal your
feelings. Write about what you're
going through. Don't edit yourself. Just let the words flow.
- Take time out to enjoy yourself for awhile.
- Crying can be a healthy expression of emotion.
- Creating a collage or scrapbook can be a healing experience.
- Try to forgive the person who left you or those whom you hold responsible
for your loss, and most important, forgive yourself.
- Don't rush to dispose of a loved one's possessions. Take time to decide which special
items you want to keep and which you'd like to offer to others who were
close to your loved one.
- Support
groups can be a welcoming place to express your grief with others who understand.
How
long does grief last?
Grief lasts as long as it takes you to accept and learn to live with your
loss. For some people, grief lasts a few months. For others, grieving
may take years.
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 Everyone
grieves in their own way and time. Emotions will come and go for some
time. But most people who have experienced a loss will come to accept
the loss, work through their pain, adjust to living without the person
or situation lost, and begin to move on with their life within one or
two years.
You'll know
you are recovering when
- remembering brings
more pleasure than pain.
- you are comfortable
being alone.
- you think about
the person or situation you're grieving once in a while instead of every
day.
- you can begin planning
for the future.
What if grief becomes depression?
Research shows that people who suffer significant life stresses are at
greater risk of becoming depressed or developing Post-Traumatic Stress
Syndrome. For someone with a predisposition, a serious loss can also trigger
a bipolar/depressive episode.
Depression is more
than a feeling of grief after losing someone or something you love. Clinical
depression can take over the way you
think and feel. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, avoiding people, having frequent nightmares, not functioning
well at work or at home, or if sad and empty feelings persist with no
lifting mood, talk to your doctor.
Where
can I find help?
- The
Compassionate Friends is a national, self-help support organization
for those grieving the loss of a child or sibling.
1-877-969-0010
- Griefnet.org is an Internet community of persons dealing with grief, death, and major
loss.
- To find other online support groups and informative web sites on working through loss, search for grief support groups,
grief recovery, bereavement, pet loss or job loss.
Related articles
Surviving unemployment
Take time out
Symptoms of depression
More
articles
Sources
(SAMHSA)
National Mental Health Information Center, Us Dept. of Health and
Human Services
Mental
Health America (formerly the National Mental Health Association)
American Hospice Foundation
Page updated August 1, 2010
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