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"I can't do that!"
"I'm not good enough."
"I'm fat and ugly."

This is the kind of negative self-talk that feeds low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. You can break this habit by practicing more constructive and helpful ways of thinking.

"To some extent, everybody has self-concept issues," says Deborah Warner, Lead Faculty at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, Los Angeles. "But negative thinking can begin to rule your behavior. By changing these automatic thoughts, you can change your life. It's a matter of mind over mood."

Most negative self-talk is false, irrational, and self-defeating. We develop the habit to protect ourselves. We use it to keep from trying things that may be scary or uncomfortable. "I can't do this" may really be a way of saying: "I don't want to face the risk of failing at this."

In order to counter these thoughts and feel better, we first need to "catch ourselves in the act" of negative self talk. Ask: "What am I saying that is making me feel badly? - Do I really want to do this to myself?"

Examine your self talk. Test the validity of your perceptions by asking yourself questions, such as:

• " What evidence backs up this thought?
• " Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?
• " What is the worst thing that could happen?
• " What is most likely to happen?
• " Is thinking this way helping me to feel good or to achieve my goals?

Negative self-talk:

Are you experiencing any of these destructive kinds of thinking?

• "Catastrophizing:" Learn to recognize that some bad things aren't disasters, but inconveniences or mistakes.
• Thinking in "shoulds:" Replace the words should, ought, or must with the word could.
• Black or white thinking: Avoid thinking only in extremes, seeing your efforts as total failures or expecting the worst:

Positive Self-Talk:
When you find yourself thinking this way, think of a positive and encouraging statement that counteracts the negative self-talk. For example, change:

• What if I don't pass the exam? into How can I prepare for the exam?
• I'll never get this done. to I've been on tight deadlines before and I usually manage to get the job done.
• I can't do this. to This is an opportunity to learn something new.
• I don't have the energy to exercise. to I can start slowly by going for a short walk.

Write your observations in a notebook and refer to it when you find yourself experiencing negative thinking.

Positive self-talk can be motivating, build self confidence, and keep you focused on accomplishing goals. Learn to turn your negative self-talk to positive self-talk and watch your mood improve.

Related articles
"Catastophyzing"
Cognitive therapy
Book: Feeling Good
More articles

Sources:
Debra Warner, Psy.D., Lead Faculty, M.A., Forensic Psychology, Chicago School of Professional Psychology, Los Angeles
University of California, Berkeley
Develop the Habit of Healthy Self -Talk!
Taking Charge! A Guide for Teenagers: Practical Ways to Overcome Stress, Hassles and Upsetting Emotions. By: Dr Sarah Edelman and Louise Rémond

Page updated September 1, 2008